If you were either Hai or Di, could you forgive your father? What about your grandmother and grandfather?
I don’t think I could ever forgive my father and grandmother. I would be grateful to my grandfather for insisting that my father do the right thing when they returned with their mother, but I still would maintain a cool relationship because he thought it was ok for them to be left behind initially.
I could forgive but I could not forget. And I would need distance to live my life apart (preferably far apart) from the traditions that heavily influenced father and grandparents’ decisions. Fairly sure I would spend the rest of my life determined to affirm and encourage my daughter(s) to know their worth and to pursue their dreams.
I could not forgive. They had a horrendous childhood. Then once reunited with the family their grandmother was still horrible.
I think I’d have done everything I could to cut them out of my life. I would neither forgive nor forget.
I could not forgive them. They knowingly placed family members in grave danger. I could not help but wonder if that was the intent- to be done with them once and for all.
I had trouble accepting that too. I finally decided that something within the Father himself changed when he heard Hai’s heart-wrenching description of what she had endured–public beatings, humiliation-- after being designated the Heir of the father’s estate in his absence. Her outburst directed at her father was so culturally out of bounds that maybe getting that off her chest allowed herself to forgive enough to continue her life without bitterness. Di seemed determined to remain bitter and never really moved on. The father’s behavior changed after that. He moved them out of the grandparents’ home.
I don’t think I could ever forgive. As much as I try to fathom why the father was so passive and deliberately ignorant about the fate of his wife and children, I find that ultimately even if I did understand how he got that way, it wouldn’t warm me to him at all. To be dismissed, rejected, treated as if you had no value whatsoever—that would take someone much more saintly than I to then forgive.
I could not forgive or forget the betrayal of their father and grandmother.
The father scored a couple of points with me by removing the family from this cruel and cold home. In my opinion, it was too little too late. Their uncle was largely responsible their reunification with their family in Taiwan and further, for reminding his brother that his duty was to the safety and well being of his own family.
I would hope that I would use all my energies to honor my mother and all she sacrificed. I’d ignore father as much as possible and always praise mother.
I do not think I could forgive the father or grandmother because of the hardships the young girls had to endure even if the father tried just slightest to win they their devotion back.
I don’t know. I was raised to believe I should not judge another unless I’d walked a mile in their shoes. During the Cultural Revolution nobody was safe. Children turned on their parents. This was survival of the fittest. Look at China today.
I recommendAmish Grace: How Forgiveness Transcended Tragedy 2007. A remarkable account of how Amish parents offered complete forgiveness the very day a murderer had killed their children.
How one peaceful culture forgives because they cannot do otherwise.
No, not the father. The grandmother I would never forgive in anyway possible. She ruled that roost and she dominated everyone in it. While it was common for the mother in law to be domineering and controlling and vicious apparently, this MIL seemed sadistic and took immense pleasure in causing unnecessary anguish to Hai’s mother, allowed her granddaughter to die and was the evil force behind leaving behind her granddaughters and DIL to a fate that was nearly death, and never, ever showed a bit of remorse.
No, definitely not. Their father and grandparents were cruel and unjust. True, grandfather did make a humane gesture but I don’t think this absolves him of blame. Forgiveness is not going to happen just acceptance of the past that allows moving forward in positive ways without hate.
I, like the others, could never forgive the grandmother. She controlled their fate. Upon their return she continued to do so. The grandfather possibly. He did redeem himself when he encouraged his son to do the right thing regarding his wife and family. The father, I am not sure I could ever forgive him. Although he did take his family and move out, I think it was the grandfather who fostered that. Even though the grandmother objected, it seems it was the only time he ever went against her wishes. My question…is it his personality or is it culture that dictated his real behavior? If I could answer this I might be a little more forgiving.
Maybe forgive…but I don’t know that I could fully forget. I do think their father redeemed himself to some extent by moving his family out of his parents home and supporting the girls with their school exams. It was nice Hai and her father bonded over education after the exams. But I still can’t get over how he abandoned his entire family while he fled for safety (and the comforts of the nurse!).
That grandmother was horrible and I’d be very unlikely to forgive her. I think it would more likely to forgive the father probably because it seemed there was less interaction with him so not as hurtful.
I don’t think I could forgive any of them!! They are the ones that you are suppose to look up to and be a role model. They failed.
I don’t know. I would prefer to believe that I would be able to release my resentments for my own mental and spiritual wellbeing. Holding hate inside is like a cancer eating away the heart and soul. Many stories of the history of China tell of similar familial experiences. Girls were not often treasured. Filial piety has been expected into the 21st Century. In many families, the eldest son is expected to care for his parents in old age. If the eldest son dies, the burden moves to the 2nd son. Girls were often considered just another mouth to feed.