I’d hope I would be able to forgive both. I think as you mature you realize that most people are flawed and do the best they can within the parameters they live. I’d like to read the story from the father’s and grandmother’s perspective.
My first reaction is to say no way could I forgive the father and grandmother. However, when one considers the traditions of China’s patriarchal society and the power wielded within the family of the grandmother, it is not surprising that the father acquiesced to leaving his wife and daughters behind. Forgiveness is extremely difficult, but forgiveness is not really for the person who committed the injustice but more for the peace of the person against whom the injustice was committed. Hate and resentment continually eat at a person and take up a lot of energy to maintain. I have never been in a situation so extreme and drastic such as the Ang women so I’m not confident that I would be able to forgive without a big struggle.
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Carol_B, I agree that learning what happened to Hai was a turning point for her father. I don’t think that he really thought of them, they were beneath his position in society and in the family. I would like to think that I could forgive, but I don’t know. I certainly liked Di’s stance of leaving them behind.
In my case, I would not forgive any of them, ever, even though they felt they did nothing wrong. But it seems to me that forgiveness wasn’t really an issue in their culture. The book made it clear that girls literally counted for nothing. The father allowed Ang Ang to withhold treatment for Three because Three was a girl. She supported the father’s leaving the girls and Mom to fend for themselves. Both characters would be considered unforgivable in another culture but were ‘normal’ in China at the time. If I were either of the girls I couldn’t forgive a father who had no regard for my life. But I’m not sure the girls would have felt the same in their pervading culture.
It was very telling to me but also disheartening that their mother reverted to her old life of acceptance and strict obedience. After all they had been through, Hai’s mother still valued Hai’s success as just another resource for the son.
I could not forgive him for being a coward to save himself and extended family, while leaving his wife and daughters. Hai did not forgive him, but she moved on. She told Di, “I think you would be happier if you stop dwelling on the past and focused on moving forward”.
Father did show Hai consideration the night before her exam. " I want you to have a good night of sleep before the exam, so you take the bedroom and I will sleep on the sofa. You are a smart girl and you worked hard for this."
I would not be able to forgive the grandmother. I agree with Di when she went ballistic and said “You are a horrible, miserable, evil hag.” To her father she said “You father, are a pathetic coward.” Hai said “You father, are the one we blame most you were supposed to protect us, but you ran away to protect yourself.” They were required to respect their elders, so had to apologize for their outbursts.
Nai Nai ordered them out of the house. It surprised me when father replied, “They are my family, I am responsible for them. If the presence of my wife and children bring you such trauma, they cannot live here. I will move out with them.”
I find it interesting that women had such low value in the family, and yet, as they became the matriarchy of the family, they were revered and on top of the totem pole. Being from the Western world, I find the whole concept reprehensible, and just can’t imagine the women of this time finding any sort of happiness in that type of male dominant existence. As for forgiving, I don’t believe I would’ve been able to get over the treatment of the old bat of a grandmother, but in my mind, I would’ve forgiven the dad, once he had the nerve to leave with his own little family.
I will never understand how anyone could treat their children or grandchildren this awfully! I would NEVER forgive them and would keep them out of my life to maintain my peace.
Since I grew up in the US with Western culture, I definitely could not forgive either my father or grandmother for their abandonment. But, perhaps if was born in China in the 1940’s where women were not valued as much as men I would eventually forgive my father and grandmother in time.
I would not have forgiven him. He was not much of a father or a husband. He was like a puppet and did whatever his mother said, with no feeling for who he hurt.