Why do you feel Norma had so much difficulty maintaining relationships? Do you have friends from childhood or college, or have you lost touch with most friends from earlier days?

Book Clubs The Berry Pickers by Amanda Peters Discussion
1

Why do you feel Norma had so much difficulty maintaining relationships? Do you have friends from childhood or college, or have you lost touch with most friends from earlier days?

2

I think she feels disconnected from everyone because she feels like there is something missing in her life. Also her mother is very overbearing and it’s difficult to have friends when you are always having to check in

3

Growing up, Norma was purposely isolated from other children by her mother. It’s difficult to form friendships when you have little opportunity. Added to the isolation of Norma’s childhood is the feeling the she didn’t belong. These two things in combination were a powerful deterrent and impacted her ability to form lasting bonds with anyone outside her family.

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4

I agree with Elizabeth and would add that I suspect Norma had repressed memories of her blood family and not understanding why she had been separated from them, thought they hadn’t wanted her. It’s much easier to avoid rejection if you don’t reach out to someone else. But I think it was ultimately due to her adoptive mother’s fear/anxiety that stunted Norma’s emotional gorwth.

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5

I agree with Elizabeth as well. I grew up with a family secret - my mother was an alcoholic - and she actively discouraged us from bringing anyone to the house or getting too close to people, lest her drinking be exposed. To this day I have trouble establishing and maintaining friendships. So yeah, I think Norma’s difficulty in this area was very realistically handled.

6

I also agree with Elizabeth. Norma’s upbringing with a mentally ill mother and her accomplice father kept her sequestered from the world. She got the message that the world was a dangerous place and she would only be safe at home with her very protective mother. Norma ended up feeling responsible for her mother’s feelings and didn’t get much practice at outside relationships. Feeling alienated and like she didn’t really belong left her straddling her mother’s world, a hazy world from her dreams and the outside world.

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7

I agree with the others here. Her mother being so over protective and keeping her so isolated made it impossible for her to have friendships. And I think that being raised like that makes it difficult for close relations even as an adult.

8

I agree with Rebecca and with Elizabeth. When Norma is over-protected as a young person, she has limited opportunities to learn how to form lasting relationships with her peers—and it doesn’t appear that her parents valued a social life for themselves, either. No role models! Once Norma becomes more independent, she enjoys socializing but with so much missing within herself, so much unknown, she isn’t able to make deeper connections with others.

9

I agree that Norma was discouraged from forming friendships outside of her immediate family. In addition, the trauma of being separated from her birth family may have taught her that relationships are transitory: don’t get too attached.

10

I agree that Norma’s relationships or lack thereof were impacted by her isolation at home and her memories that were discounted by her second family.

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