Lauren discovers a little thrill when Amos leaves their shared apartment and she finds herself with the freedom to do whatever she wants without having to consider anyone else’s schedule or feelings. Is this sense of freedom ever possible within a couple? Or can it be found only when one is single?
I’ve been married for a long time, and my husband doesn’t in any way restrict my comings and goings, but I have to admit that when I have the house to myself, I do feel a sense of freedom that I don’t feel when he’s around. No one to ask where I’m going, why, or how long I’ll be gone. It just feels good!
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I believe that it depends on how your relationship is structured. Being a person that needs a lot of solitude to be happy and then be pleasantly present with other people this is a conversation that I bring up early in a relationship, so that it is not surprise when I seek out that solitude.
I feel this sense of freedom can occur in a couple relationship. You both should establish some boundaries and schedule alone time for each of you.
I agree with all of the above. Good communication and boundaries can provide access to solitude if one needs it, but coupledom sort of requires a consciousness of one’s partner’ requirements and needs as well as one’s owns. Married almost 54 years, I seldom get to focus only on myself, but the benefits way outweigh that limitation.
I am in total agreement with Laura Poe but I do think that both partners need to be in agreement about these things. I have noticed over time how the married relationships of our children and then their children have evolved. Husbands share more of the “work” involved in their marriages, everything from cooking, cleaning and childcare to planning couple or family activities, supporting friendships and individual outside activities, and inviting meaningful conversation over all of it. To me, it has been a very positive evolution.
I think a healthy marriage is one that allows the partner to have different interests - a freedom to go down different paths. For example, my husband, loves biking. I don’t like it but I don’t begrudge is hobby, I support it. He doesn’t like to play tennis but he encourages me to follow my passion. As can be seen by these examples, freedom can be had as a couple.
I like to think this freedom is possible as a couple, but, thus far, I’ve not been fortunate enough to be involved in this type of relationship. I have dear friends who I believe have perfected this…and I am deeply envious. 
I do think this type of freedom/feeling can happen with couples. Good communication and a good understanding of each other makes that possible. I look forward to having the house to myself and my time to myself. Fostering interpersonal skills can help achieve that feeling in a marriage!
I think it’s only possible when your significant other is on a business trip or on a vacation without you. Otherwise, I think I would always be thinking about his wants and needs. I am not saying I would put his needs before mine, but I don’t think I would be completely free to do whatever I wanted. I would at least consider his opinion.
Of course, it can. Harder with children, of course but still doable. I have often gone to the family cabin for a week-end by myself and have rented a condo at the ocean for a week by myself. When hubby goes off to his annual frat thing or on a fishing or huntiing weekend I hang out alone at home. I eat what I want, when I want, play music as loud as I want and whatever music fits my mood, I dress or stay in PJs and do whatever I feel like doing at any time.
I agree that when you are with your spouse, you or at least I always think about what I am doing or when to make dinner or trying to mesh our schedules for the day or week. I love time alone at home, and I definitely do different things when my husband is not home i.e. eat in front of the TV, go shopping for hours, watch chick flicks, talk to my girlfriend on the phone for an hour, stay up too late…
I totally agree with this! I love being in the house alone, even if its just for a few hours, but when I get the rare weekend alone, I relish that time so much! And like you said, my husband doesn’t restrict me in any way, it is just totally different when I am alone!
I’m so glad that she took some time to enjoy being along and the freedom of doing whatever she wants. However, me personally, I never understood committed relationships where one partner NEEDS to hang out with only the boys or the girls in order to recharge or whatever. It’s one thing to keep in touch with your friends, but if you’re together, your friends should be shared too and you should be able to hang out altogether. I love nothing more than when hubby and I hang out with his or my friends, everyone’s together and having a wonderful time. Why the unnecessary drama of leaving the other partner to wander where they really are and what they’re really doing. Then don’t be in a relationship. However, that being said, what Lauren is experiencing is not a normal marriage and life and the fact that she’s currently going through a separation, I’m glad she took a moment to just breathe and regroup.
Ive been married for 32 years and I love having a rare weekend or even a few hours alone sometimes! Just not having to think of anyone but yourself for a short time is so refreshing and it doesn’t mean you don’t enjoy being with your partner, just that some time alone is good for the soul.