In recent years, the Kübler-Ross model of five stages of grief—Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance—has been increased to seven. Do you think the additions of Shock and Testing/Processing more accurately reflect how we deal with grief? Why or why not?
While the five stages of grief developed by Kubler-Ross have helped some people, it has also caused others pain. Sometimes after learning about these supposed five stages people feel that they are not doing grief right, that they are failing to go through the stages properly. That is very sad, to have those kind of feelings of failure layered over the grief. Everyone processes grief differently. I would prefer to just honor what the person is experiencing in the moment as true and real for them, and stop with all the labeling.
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Thank you a wonderful comment.
Very well said, Renee! Everyone experiences grief in their own way. The stages, whether five or more, are not experienced in order and some more than once.
Yes I agree with everyone. Models are just generalizations and everyone is unique. Nobody is going to fit perfectly in any model.
Everyone experiences grief in their own way. A lot has to do with the circumstances of the way the loved one died. A sudden tragic death is very different from loss due to a long battle with cancer or Alzheimer’s disease. Another factor is the quality of the relationship to the one who has died.
I agree that grief is a very personal experience and journey. There is no “right” or “wrong” way. And it’s definitely a process - some taking much longer than others to get through. I do think the addition of shock and testing/processing absolutely more accurately reflects how we deal with grief. And I wouldn’t be surprised if more stages continue to be added as professionals learn more about the grieving process.
I also agree with Renee. I also don’t feel there should be prescriptive stages. Everyone goes through their own process for grief. It’s great that we know what research shows us about the grieving process but I know many who have not hit the 7 or the 5 steps.
It’s just semantics. I think shock and denial are quite interchangeable concepts constructs. Testing and processing are words for the entire spectrum of grief. I was widowed at the age of 38 and I never thought of the stage I was in or headed to next… I took it a day at a time and made it through.
I agree. Everyone grieves differently. Some people spend more time in one of the stages or need a stage that doesn’t fit the origiinal five.
I hate labels or lists. I feel everyone deals with grief differently, I like to honor their journey as true and real as individuals. I truly agree with Coleen A , a lot has to do with the circumstances of the death and the relationship between the persons involved.