The first sentence of the novel has Chia musing, “I have always longed to be known, truly known, by another human being.” What do you feel she means? Do you think what she desires is possible? How does this theme play out over the course of the book?
I think this is a desire of all people, to have someone will see you, understand where you are coming from and accept you, wats and all. I think some of it is possible but she must be sure to establish open lines of communication which she is afraid to do - her relationship with that toad, Darrell, is an example of this. I think this is borne out in all the characters. Katailou, while not speaking English well, keeps all her deeds and concerns bottled up gravely afflicting her life. I think Omelgor has the best chance of being an open communicator but she carries so many secrets I’m not sure. Sikorsky is to me st least pretty similar to Chia in the communication department.
For someone to truly know another person takes time and willingness to share all the many facets of oneself. Not everyone is brave to bare their soul so to speak. Chia continually dates men in hopes of finding that one who will “know” her but unfortunately she makes terrible choices along the way.
Chia wants to be married and find the one person that will be her so called “soulmate “. I think I was surprised by her choices of the men in her life. She needs a man to give what she thinks is the true happiness in her life. I found her annoying because of her neediness of a man. However, I think this is due to the gender strictures put upon Nigerian women. Of course I think it’s possible to find someone that has your morals and beliefs but if there are red flags popping up all the time, move on. The theme of men, plays a huge role in all the women in the book.
Chia means that she wants someone who understands her, respects her, accepts her and wants to be fully engaged with her. It is very difficult to be truly known by another person. I don’t think many people fully reveal themselves to any one person. I think most people reveal parts of themselves to many people, and most of themselves to a few people. However, I think we all have parts of ourselves that we don’t reveal to anyone.
There are a couple of examples in the book that stood out to me.
I don’t think Darnell knew Chia at all. She was not able to reveal herself to him or his group of friends and colleagues. I was very frustrated by that relationship.
It also became clear that Chia, Omelogor, and Zikora did not know Kadiatou’s feelings about the prosecution of her rapist. The three ladies were very upset when the court case was dismissed, but Kadi was relieved and happy. Personally, I thought the contrast between Kandi and the three other ladies in general was very important in the book as a whole, providing balance.
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Watching Chia’s contantly making herself small for the men in her life is painful reminder of all the times I may have done the same, trying to Guess what the other would want to hear or see in a partner. Of course that is never a recipe for finding a soulmate. A soul mate, person who really knows you and understands you and yet is excited for ways in which they don’t Yet know you, gotta see whole picture, not the cultivated one. (cutting and pasting to get some perfect ideal bs)
I agree she is looking for a soulmate and this is a very natural longing. But she is much too worried about appearances and expectations—including her family’s traditions—and not really in touch with her self; she wastes too much time lying to herself and others about Darnell. She struck me as spoiled—she had the means to leave, and did not. She expects the men to provide meaning in her life, instead of finding it for herself. Starting the novel with Chia was a mistake, she was off-putting to my mind. At the end, she shows how clueless she is about
Kadiatou too. Her sense of privilege is stunning.