Omelogor asks Hauwa, “Isn’t that what friendship is, to want each other’s approval?” What did you think of this statement? What’s your definition of friendship?
I think we want friends who accept us but if approval is the reason you choose a friend, that’s a flimsy reason because when you don’t do something they approve of, the friend may end the relationship. Acceptance of the other is important as is communication where we seek to understand before we are understood.
I agree that acceptance is more important; the foundation for a genuine friendship. Friendships change over time as we change over time.
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I agree. A true friendship is the acceptance of the other as is. I think true friendship also must include respect and affection. I don’t always agree with my friends, but I respect their opinions and decisions.
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I don’t think I agree with this at all. I know for a fact that some of my friends disapprove of some of my decisions (e.g., live my life around a diabetic cat, run insane distances), but they care about me enough to support me.
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My definition of friendship - complicated. I don’t think friends should seek one another’s approval. Friends should not seek approval from one another.
Yes, acceptance - approval makes friendship too complicated.
I haven’t quite finished so I am only going to answer this question and shut it down until I am done. This statement rings true to me - and has done so for most of my childhood and adult life. I always wonder about what my friends think of my choices - occasionally I would disappear from their lives because I know they may not have approved of my choice of partner, my career and family choices. The friend relationship of Omelogor and Hauwa was truly one of the more fascinating aspects of Omelogor’s story. Love this book
I just read today that St. Thomas Aquinas said that friends share three things: time, possessions, and secrets. Friendship is about sharing, not about wanting each other’s approval. I would hope that people do not want to be friends with me because they want my approval. I think there is a commonality between most people, even if it may seem small, but, you have to be willing to focus on the commonalities that bring you together and not the differences that may drive you apart.
Susan, interesting that you bring up the relationship of Omelogor and Hauwa in relation to this question. I could not understand why Omelogor was wasting her time, spending it with Hauwa. Now I see that Omelogor may have been seeking Hauwa’s approval as part of how Omelogor defined friendship. Thank you for this insight.
A true friend is one who is there for me in all aspects of my life. I will be completely at ease in sharing my things with my true friend m
I don’t really like the word “approval” for what friendship is. You may not approve of everything a friend does, but may accept it. Friendship to me is that unconditional love, respect and acceptance.
A true friendship has honesty and at times difficult conversations as well as the approval mentioned in the question.
I wonder if “approval” was what Omelogor really was seeking here, as opposed to feeling seen, understood, which is another way of saying “feeling accepted.” I agree that in mature relationships, friends don’t issue approvals or disapprovals—they seek to understand one another, they are open to exploring their differences, always with acceptance that the other person is someone you respect and whose welfare you care for, and you do not always have to agree; more important is to be honest and kind. The same, in my view, applies to “significant others.”