Olivia feels her family’s past and secrets are so harmful to her that she hides them from everyone, even her closest partner. Do you think she’s right to do so? Are there things you keep from your loved ones?
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I feel this was wrong, especially not sharing her past with Tom. He could have helped her deal with her feelings. The first time my husband left me I did not tell my family. I kept it to myself. I had a 4 year old and a newborn baby to care for. It was a difficult time. Five years later he left again. Now we lived away from family. It was February. I did not tell my family until April. Only then as they were coming to visit. My coworkers and friends knew and they were supportive. By August I filed for divorce.
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I understand Olivia’s need to keep her family a secret. She endured rude and nasty behavior while in school. Was isolated, parents afraid to let their children play with her, everyone suspecting her to be a murderer’s child. She needed to move on and see if she could make a life of her own. Growing up, no one heard the term bipolar. Today, I know and understand what it means, At the time, I just knew my sister was different, so yes I never told friends about her behaviors, I even hid some of it from my parents, I didn’t want my mother to be hurt, You could say I was her first enabler.
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I think it was wrong to not tell Tom about her past. He was really hurt, and he was very supportive of everything for her. I think he would have understood.
We had eight kids in my family - it was difficult to keep anything under wraps. 
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I think Olivia had every right to initially hide her background from Tom. She was trying hard to preserve the identity she created for herself. I think over time she would have eventually talked to Tom about it, because they seemed to be very close. But given the way Tom treated her when he found out I think she was smart to keep it secret while she did. He may not have felt the connection to her if he’d known the truth from the beginning.
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I think it was hard for her to trust people with her real childhood but once she was in a trusting relationship, I think she should have opened up and if Tom did not accept her, he would not be a person that she would want to share a life. The timing is tricky on when that should be and he was quite strict in his views!
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I think it would have been hard for her. She had this fiction made up that she told everyone - everyone - about her former life, to protect herself. At what point do you trust someone enough to lay that kind of secret bare? And if Tom told her from the start that lies were a no-go, then there would never be a right moment. The longer it went on, the harder it would have been to 'fess up.
Besides, the lie was only in place to protect herself, and it harmed no one that she chose to hide her past.
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Agree with you Patricia_H.
I think she was justified in keeping her past a secret as a matter of self-protection. But lies always seem to have a way of coming to the surface. I agree with others here that she should have opened up to Tom, but it should have been done when she was ready. It was her carelessness that it happened sooner than later.
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I was torn about her keeping her family’s secrets a secret. I’m a pretty open person, so I struggled with her not confiding in Tom. I didn’t expect his response, and thought he would hear her out and be a little more understanding.
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I can understand in the beginning of her relationship with Tom not telling him but as they became closer she should have explained about her past and why she came up with the story she did. If the relationship was meant to continue it would have found a way. If it fell apart and could not be reconciled then the answer is pretty clear it would always be difficult. Tom was given a gut punch and needed time to wrap his around what he just learned.
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Olivia had a difficult childhood because of the rumors about her father. She changed her life by using a different name and denying her father’s existence. I think that was self-preservation and an opportunity to move beyond the past. Lying to Tom was another thing— she should have been honest with him!
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After reading the previous comments, I have mixed feelings. If Olivia was a real person, I’d say she needed to do whatever she needed to do to exist with this family tragedy, her mother leaving her, her father distancing himself, etc. Part of me thinks, “Who am I to judge?” when I have a secret my family doesn’t know but my husband does. And that’s enough for me.
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I didn’t feel Olivia needed to keep such a big secret from Tom. Maybe at the beginning but as they got closer she could have revealed it but I think she was afraid that she would lose him which she did for a while. I am just a person who wants complete honesty in a relationship and would not keep secrets like that from my closest partner.
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I think it is fine to walk away from a painful past and to keep that private. But not from those you love and are in a trusting relationship with. Once she knew she loved Tom, she should have told him. He would have understood the initial lie as a protection and matter of privacy. But loving relationships rely on trust and you cannot have that without honesty. Maybe she didn’t have to tell him all the details, but she should have come clean about the bare facts of it all–that her father was alive, but part of a life she left long ago. And she should have told him about the assignment. He could have helped her face it.
I can understand why she would do it, but when she realized things with Tom were getting serious, she should’ve been honest with him. My husband is the only one who knows all of my secrets that no one else knows, and I don’t know if that will ever change, even though I know if I shared certain secrets with my parents or my brother, our relationship wouldn’t change, I don’t want them knowing those things and worrying about me since they’re all in the past anyways.
In the beginning, it was a form of self preservation for Olivia to keep her family’s past a secret. However, when her relationship with Tom began to grow and she knew how he felt about people not being honest, she needed to take the risk and share everything with him. Dishonest relationships never work in the long run.
I really didn’t like Olivia. She was dishonest with her closest partner but given her childhood I can forgive some of her behavior.
It’s ok to keep little things from your loved ones, but nothing that would be so harmful to a relationship.
Some things in life are just too traumatic to talk about. Not wanting to relive some things is understandable and if that is the case keeping it yourself is perfectly justified.