Now that you’ve finished the book, what are your reflections on the grieving process each character goes through?
i was interested in this book because I am still grieving the loss of my mother. I was her sole caretaker for many years before she died. I was hoping for a new perspective via literature. One of the things that struck me about the grieving process the characters went through is that multiple of them were feeling responsibility for things that were not their fault. There is a lot to be said to the idea that “the truth will set you free.”
Oh Renee, I am sorry. It is hard to lose our mothers. My Mom died July 1999. As I was driving from Wenatchee to Seattle my thought was I never told her she was my best friend. My sweet friends said they thought she knew. I hope you have some good friends to talk to.
Grieving is a personnel thing, and I don’t believe any 2 people react the same why. That’s one reason it’s so hard to go through. No one can really feel what you are felling. It’s also very hard to give anyone grieving advise.
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It seems like everyone handles grief in their own way and this book confirmed that. I’m still grieving my dad and it’s been 3 years! (You begin to wonder if that’s normal.)
The way the author illustrated the grieving process opened my eyes to how I have dealt with grief and loss and how I continue to mourn the loss of loved ones who are still alive but no longer a part of my life. I found the book very enlightening on this subject matter and helped me come to terms with certain relationships in my life that are no longer.
I was able to relate to the grieving process of each of the participants particularly their belief that they were at fault for the deaths of their loved ones. Having experienced grief personally, the feeling that I was somehow at fault was foremost in my mind.
The way the author made each character’s grief process different mirrored reality, especially with regard to either blocking parts of the story or shutting out family and friends. Genevieve allowed each person to slowly delve into their grief and structured the group discussion in a way that allowed each character to what they felt comfortable sharing. Like life, patience, sensitivity and compassion were needed but not always shown.
I feel the author did a great job showing how each person grieves in their own way. We don’t all go through the same process. I think we all question if we did or did not do something, maybe that would have changed the outcome. Each character had a different set of circumstances based on age, experiences and wisdom.
The grieving process is different for everyone, and it can even be different depending on the person you are grieving. My grief for my parents was very different from the grief I felt after losing my husband. People often judge quickly how someone should be grieving without having walked in that person’s particular shoes. Grief is shaped by so many things—the life you shared with that person, any unresolved feelings, and even the circumstances surrounding the dying process itself. I felt the author did a very good job portraying how complex and personal grief can be.
I could relate to the stages of grief and agree there may be more than the five we normally think of. I recently lost my mother as well, just this past January. She also had dementia and did not always know me. I will forever be grateful for the last day I spent with her. She knew me and I was able to tell her I loved her. I miss her and it is still very hard and emotional for me to think about.
While I didn’t love the book I did think the author did an interesting job of highlighting all of the ways people grieve. It is a different experience for everyone and that was highlighted by these characters.
Having lost my niece just 6 months ago and now three weeks ago, her mother, my sister, I was hesitant to start this book. I wrestled with asking to be released from participation, however I did not do so. I am glad I didn’t send that email. It was a hard book to read, but I am so glad that I did. Grieving is so personnel, each us has to do it on their terms. It reminded me that grief is many things. I was able to be with my sister during her last hours. She was able to tell me how she loved me and how grateful she was for having me in her life. I miss her and it makes me emotional to think of her and our last conversation. When I began the book, I was grateful for the author’s words that portrayed how complex grief can be. I will be reminded of her words as I continue my journey to healing.
Grieving is very personal and it never goes away, it just changes. You always carry the loss with you.