Nikki wonders if her mother abandoned Mother Rita. What’s your opinion? She also asks herself if “Southern mothers feel a particular betrayal when their children go north.” (p. 147). What’s your take on children leaving home, particularly those that move far away from their parents?
While its not easy, we should be raising our children to be independent and choose their direction. Once grandchildren enter the picture it definitely becomes harder
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Parents should raise their children to become self sufficient and make their own way in the world. Back then it was common for grown children to stay close to where they were raised. Not the way now. Children have to move to where they can make a living, consideration has to be given to where a spouse needs to be and they need to find a place where they are comfortable raising their own children.
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I think every child has the right to move where ever they want. Some move for the best job opportunity. Some move to attend the college of their chose, and then stay in that particular city as it is a good fit. But some unfortunately may leave to get away from family, and there might be a good reason. I live in a medium size town. Seattle is about three hours away. My youngest son is in Seattle. I am fine with that. I was born and raised in Seattle. I like my smaller town. I have been here since 1976 but I will always love Seattle!
In my experience, I believe each child is different. Some need excitement and to stay with new college friends in another city Others may be happy staying near home, but alas, leave because siblings did. I would not use the word abandoned but rather a chance to find out who they really are and not the child. But in all honesty, whatever you call it, I would certainly want my children to live nearby.
I don’t think Nikki’s mother abandoned Mother Rita. She made a decision as a young adult that she thought was best for her, which meant she moved far away. I don’t think parents should try to dictate or guilt-trip children for making moves like that. Most of us raise our children to be independent and we want them to use their intellect and judgment to make the best choices for themselves. And for those who came from abusive homes, the decision to move far away makes good sense to me.
I don’t believe Nikki’s mother abandoned Mother Rita. She just needed her own space to develop and experience the world. She couldn’t relate to all the stories her mother told her about her ancestors.
When it’s was time for my daughter to go to college our only criteria was that she leave the immediate area (We were in Atlanta at the time). I left home to go to college and I thought she should have a similar experience. She ended up in California! My friends were appalled that she was going so far away. For us it was just a plane ride away. Fast forward, I now have grandchildren who live outside of Boston. No distance (I’m in Arlington, Va) can keep me away from them. When they were younger they along with their parents would visit and even go to summer camp in the DC area to give their parents a break!
Now that they are teenagers I visit them more either by plane or train.
@Patricia_H Well said! I agree, but it can sure be difficult when the parent gets older. The author kept true to how Rita probably felt at that time. No way to hop on a plane and go visit the grandkids.
We raise our children to fly, hopefully not too far away.
I don’t think it’s necessarily abandonment as it is them just pursuing their own life’s path. I moved far away from my parents when my path took me to my husband, and now my daughter’s path has taken her away from us (funny enough, she went to my parents lol). I think that more importantly is how much you maintain your ties to your family and your home rather than where you live or even how often you’re able to visit. My parents always talk about that - how they were afraid they were losing me forever when I moved away from home and how grateful they are at how often I actually do visit them and keep in touch.
I have always lived close to my family, but independently. Right now mom and I are basically only family left as we are both the only children so we live together and help each other. If I had children I would definitely let them make their own decisions and not feel abandoned if they choose a path not close to me. At least come visit though. Lol
This has to do with expectations. I never expected to live near my parents as an adult and they did not expect me to. I did not live near them. My husband also does not live near his parents. Our children were raised with the expectation that they should go live in a place that is good for them. Neither of our children live near us, and we have no plans to move near them.
Nikki’s mother and her mother, Mother Rita, were essentially estranged from each other. I think they were both strong stubborn women whose pride got in their way. As parents, we have to raise our children to stand on their own. In our modern world, we no longer have all of the extended family living in one household or even location and our children often move far away from us. Our daughter and her family lived about 4 hours away, which compared to many of our friends was relatively close, for 15 years. About 7 years ago (just before COVID) they moved back to our hometown due to a promotion in his company for our son-in-law. What a blessing it has been to watch our grandchildren grow up!