Mischa took on enormous responsibility at a very young age, when she became the main carer for her ill mother. When you found this out about her, did it change your perception of her at all? In what ways does society support caretakers, and what more can be done to share some of that load?
Mischa gave up everything for her mother. She loved her and wanted to take care of her. So young but she was the only one to take on this responsibility. I do not think care givers get the credit they deserve. I have a friend whose husband was in a work accident in the early 70’s. He has been disabled and in horrible pain. It is actually amazing he is still alive. She has done well business wise. She work for an insurance company having her own office and employees and is quite wealthy. I am embarrassed to say I never thought much about her home life. A few years ago she told me that in the beginning after her husband’s accident he was so angry and actually so mean that she wanted to divorce him. She did not. But I guess I never really thought of her as a care taker, although she certainly was and still is.
I tip my hat to all caretakers, it’s one of the hardest jobs.
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I was surprised at Mischa’s story with her mother, and it absolutely changed my perception of her. She assumed such a huge responsibility at a young age, and it was heartbreaking to read about. There is not enough being done to support caregivers and to provide them with resources to help them help their loved ones.
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Very impressed by her sense of responsibility. Society does not support caretakers enough.
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Many people, like Mischa, end up having to make difficult choices and quite possibly compromise their role within their jobs and families when they choose to care for an ill, disabled, or dying loved one. There is never enough done to support these selfless and generous caretakers. I’m not sure exactly what society can do to share that load.
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My heart broke for Mischa when she told her story. She gave up school, her social life, witnessed her mother’s health decline and single handedly cared for her mother and the house. I can’t imagine how she felt when suddenly there’s nothing to do and the mother she so clearly loved is no longer part of her life.
There’s a perception that there are a lot of resources available, but the reality is that the resources often have very specific requirements that must be met before tapping into them. People will unfortunately fall through the cracks even in communities that have a robust group of volunteers. And in Mischa’s case, no one missed her, checked on her or realized what was going on in her life when she abruptly dropped out of school.
I was a sole caretaker for my mother, who was living in her bed, for a number of years. My mom had a nurse practitioner who came out to the house to provide her medical care. Toward the end, hospice came out. The focus on care was rightly on my mother, who was gradually dying. (She was 97 when she died.) One of my mother’s friends was also very kind to me when she visited. Honestly what would have been the most help to me is to have help with household chores, since sometimes I was just exhausted. That kind of help was not available to me unless I could pay to hire someone.
At first, Mischa seemed a little overdramatic to me about what had happened in her life. But as we learned more about her character and discovered that she had given up much of her youth to be a caretaker, I began to understand her reactions better. I was my husband’s caretaker for several years, and it was difficult for me even in my late fifties. I can only imagine how much harder that responsibility would be in your twenties, when most people are still figuring out their own lives.
In my experience, society and even the medical profession are not always very supportive of caregivers, especially those who do not have family nearby to help. It is such a complicated and important issue, and I’m not sure what the answer is or how it could realistically be done differently. It’s a very big topic.
In this aspect, Mischa is the most empathetic character. Caregiving a loved one(s) is a heartbreaking, exhausting duty (and calling) all at once. Finding assistance is the hardest part because the caregiver lacks time and energy to look for services that may be available. Physician’s offices do often have staff that can suggest help or even contact sources needed. Also, contacting local foundations specific to an illness can be very helpful. Hospice is a big blessing for so many patients and caregivers. Neighbors can be a helpful especially for occasional errands and help with meals. In my case, family was the least helpful as no one was local and left it at that. Like Mischa, I think caregivers would find group therapy a welcome and supportive step away from their family culture where they could freely speak to all the frustrations and heartache they feel.