Mimi has a difficult relationship with her mother-in-law, Halina. Why do you suppose Halina was so hostile? Do you think there was anything Mimi could have done to improve the situation?
Mimi’s mother-in-law was horrible until near the end of the book. She was a devout Catholic, and when her son brought home Mimi, who wasn’t Catholic, and not what she had in mind for her precious son, she was very hostile. The fact that Mimi didn’t convert was another point of hostility.
Halina was upset that Mimi was not polish and also that she was not a Catholic. She thought her son deserved a better wife, one who was Polish and a Catholic! At the Catholic Church most of the people were Polish and often talked in their own language so Mimi was surely an outsider.
I think Halina was hostile because she was left a widow who was dependent on her son. She’s lost her independence and resented Mimi’s. I’m sure she was also sad with her situation. Mimi was very stressed and probably didn’t see a way to make things easier. Mother-in-laws sometimes think they know better than their daughter-in-laws and become judgmental. Thus, Mimi put up a wall herself. I’ve been there and done that with my now deceased mother-in-law. Looking back, I also contributed to the inlaw problems. Now that I’m a mother-in-law, I bend over backwards to never interfere or cause any problems!
I could see it being largely cultural. Growing up in a Hungarian household I saw this quite frequently in my own family (the spouses of aunts or uncles who married outside the religion or outside the ethnic boundaries were heavily criticized). But I’ve also seen the whole “no one’s good enough for my son” thing. Even though my mom was Hungarian, my “nagymama” (pronounced nudgemama) would mutter about my mother’s housekeeping in Hungarian, and would often walk our carpet picking up little pieces of lint/crumb/what-have-you off the floor. Drove my mom nuts.
Halina was upset that Mimi wasn’t Polish and wasn’t Catholic, and to make matters worse Mimi would not convert. I agree with Kim in that many of their issues were cultural differences. And let’s face it, it’s always difficult when a mother-in-law lives with a young family. And Halina’s speaking Polish with her son and Mimi not understanding much of it did not help the situation. In hindsight it probably would have helped their relationship if Mimi had confessed early on to Halina what she was doing at the clinic.
I don’t think that Mimi could have done anything to make her mother in law like her – she was being judged on not being Polish and not being Catholic. Despite her dislike of Mimi, Halina was very good to the children
Halina had a few key criticisms of Mimi. First, she wasn’t Polish, and Halina would have preferred a Polish wife for Stan.
Second, she wasn’t Catholic and I related to this part of the story because my family is from South Dakota, and that Lutheran-Catholic conflict was very real. My Norwegian mother talked about it when I was growing up. In fact, when my oldest uncle married a Catholic, my mother’s parents boycotted the wedding (but then made her attend because they felt someone should represent the family; don’t look for logic, folks). To be fair, there are distinct doctrinal difference between the churches, despite many commonalities, including that they are liturgical. The fact that Mimi could not abandon her Lutheran upbringing and convert was a point of contention with Halina. (Again, I related to Mimi. Although I no longer attend church, i joke that I have Lutheran blood in my veins. It’s as much a cultural and familial identity as it is a religious one, and I could never convert.)
I think one of the biggest complaints Halina had about Mimi was that she lacked a backbone. Which was ironic given that Halina did nothing to help Mimi inspire Stan to get his life together and support his family. (Clearly, he was suffering from depression which went untreated.) Instead, she sat around crocheting and listening to the radio with her son, I’m guessing because he was a man and she didn’t feel it was her place to give her male child the swift kick in the butt he needed. So why would it be ok for Mimi to give that to him? Not sure. Seemed like a big double-standard to me.
Patricia, I’m not sure if Mimi had told Halina what she was doing at the clinic sooner than she did it would have had the same outcome as it did when she actually told her. I think Halina was so bent on disliking her that she was still blind to all that Mimi was doing to keep the household together. It also didn’t phase her that her son was responsible for making their daily life miserable because she still had him on a pedestal. Once she observed the harsh treatment Mimi experienced with her arrest and how Mimi faced these challenges stoically, it jarred her eyes open. I think she was also very relieved that Mimi was not having an affair. When she offered Mimi tea, my eyes teared up and I wanted to hug her myself! 
Joyce, you may be right but it’s such a shame how miserably she treated Mimi.
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I think it seems to be a natural route for many mother-in-laws, another woman is taking her place in her son’s life. I certainly experienced that situ. tion in my marriage, His mother made my life miserable and neither of us were foreign born. However, as my children arrived and the years when on, she changed. So much so that when her son and I divorced some 20 years later, she continue to spend the holidays with me and my girls, not with her son’s newly acquired wife. So I guess I would say it takes time, patience, and life experience to reach a better understanding between two women, but it can done(even in Mimi’s life)
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I agree with the cultural & religious differences; however, I don’t feel that Mimi put herself in Halina’s shoes & really tried to connect with her. Instead she put up a wall & didn’t even want to get near it. If she had shared her thoughts & perhaps explained why she took the job at the clinic a barrier could have been shattered. Halina was lonely, jealous & was almost crying out in her misery. I would have tried to connect with her.
Mimi carried so many burdens. Halina would forever side with her son rather than pitch in and be helpful for the family unit. Yes, she did sit with the kids, but the main household work was Mimi’s responsibility. I felt her weight, her sadness.
I think it often happens that a mother doesn’t think her daughter in law is good enough for her son. She certainly was unfair in her thinking of Mimi, especially since her son was not doing his part to hold the family together financially and responsibly. The fact that Mimi wasn’t Polish or :Catholic also added to her disdain of Mimi. But she probably wasn’t happy having to live with her son and daughter in law either. Thankfully she didn’t take things out on the children though.
To begin with I think the mother-in-law, daughter-in-law relationship is a most difficult one. Agree with the prevailing attitude that “no one is good enough for my son”. Becoming second fiddle requires grace, humility, understanding and the ability to take a back-seat. Little boys love their mamas then we lose them to other women…tough! Then there is the cultural issue as mentioned along with the religious. Mimi was doomed from the start!