Over the course of the novel, Lottie starts looking at retirement homes in part because she’s afraid that she’ll die alone in her house, and no one will find her for a long time. What’s your experience with aging in one’s home vs. in a retirement community?
I want to stay in my home. 
I guess we have to see how evertyhing works out, though.
As an “older” person who chose to sell my home to move to a retirement community, I could relate to Lottie’s fears of continuing to live alone and her indecision about facing a new situation in a retirement home.
I dont feel that I am at the age to spend much time thinking about this right now, but I am sure if I live long enough, I will eventually have to move somewhere where I can have some help. As much as I would prefer to live in my own home.
My mom decided to make that move and enjoyed socializing while still had the privacy of her apartment. She demonstrated that life is forever changing. I can follow her lead when my time nears.
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I would like to live in my own home but I worry about if I will be able to as I age especially with multiple levels of stairs. My parents were able to stay in their home because of their five children that helped make it happen.
I would recommend Where River Turns to Sky, by Gregg Kleiner. My mother out to be near me and my brother and moved into assisted living. We’ve always swapped books. This was one she recommended. I think she was trying to prepare me. I would also recommend, Being Mortal, by Atul Gawande. For similar reasons.
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Since I am in Lottie’s age group, I would like to be able to stay in my house among the things I cherish. However, if push comes to shove, I going to go where I can be the safe and taken care of. It as simple as that!
It is kind of funny that Lottie the serial killer would worry about dying alone!
If I need to go to a retirement community, I hope I will take part in the activities and make new friends. Maybe start a book club!
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I’m not old enough to be making this decision. But my parents are. My dad and stepmom moved into a retirement community and love it. They have such a social life and their life is easier. My mom, on the other hand, still lives in her house and at 82, it is a lot for her to keep up with. Mowing the lawn, clearing the snow, changing light bulbs - it all gets harder. I asked her 5 years ago to consider moving to a retirement community, and she was adamantly against it.
And bringing it back to the book, I don’t understand why Lottie just didnt tell Archie she wanted to spend more time with her grandkids. Or tell Morgan as Morgan I imagine would have been a huge advocate for Lottie moving to a community center near her. It felt like self-sabotage to not say what she wanted - to live near her grandkids and wait for someone else, her son, to read the tea leaves and ask her.
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We moved to a home in an independent senior community and we, like most of our neighbors in this community of 1500 homes, thought then that this would be our last home purchase. Over the years there has been a steady slow flow of neighbors moving to a more-inclusive type senior community - one that provides phased living offerings such as Assisted Living, Memory Care, etc., along with independent living. We had not even thought of that. About 7 years ago in reaction to that observed trend, we put a deposit to hold a place in line so that we would have a choice available at some point. When we did that, we were told that our wait time (our secured place in the line of potential buyers) would be 7 1/2 years. We have since learned more about those possible choices, their variety, funding methodology, offerings, and the like. it warrants a lot of discovery and analysis from a cost, coverage, lifestyles, entertainment,and enrichment perspective. About 6 months ago we put our name and holding deposit in on a newer facility that we researched to the max. With that offering we have about a two year wait. If we get to the 2 years, we can decide not to move yet, and wait for another opening. One thinks that they won’t ever move from their current home, but in this day and age where families are scattered globally, costs vary across the country, and more is discovered about the needs of seniors, it is really good to do research even if right now you think you will not be moving. You never know what fate may deal you in the future. Better be safe, than sorry, or at the least, prepared.
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That is a loaded topic. I moved my parents across the country in order to place my mom into a memory care facility. Within 6 months, she had suffered a broken hip, been moved to a nursing facility and died at 92. Meanwhile, my dad was living with my family, but I could not provide the mental stimulation of folks his age. He moved into assisted living and thrived. There were daily activities and he made friends readily. Before he died 4 years later, he told me he considered the staff and residents a second family. I think he was glad he made the move. I know I was grateful to have him in an environment where he could enjoy life without the worries of homeownership and everyday chores of life on his own. I also know he was thankful to remove the burden of care from my shoulders. I hope I can provide the same for my children.
This is a difficult question but one that many people have to face either for themselves or for their loved ones. In my experience, those who have moved to retirement homes that have progressive care seem to do the best. This is true if the person is able to join in activities and make friends. It seems as those who move to a nursing home due to failing health often die soon after moving there. Lottie, it seems, understands that she needs some sort of community that cares for her. It is rather curious though that she on the one hand has little respect for the lives of others but is so concerned about herself and how she will end up.
I have known of several people that were able to stay in their homes but others that moved to assisted living. It seems to depend on the person’s personality and their physical needs. I understand the value of living in one’s home as a source of comfort and independence, but lots of homes are not designed with aging needs. Also, there is a cost to living in senior housing, and not everyone can afford it. Getting old is tough!
I understood Lottie’s concerns but it was ironic because she herself caused others to die.
The key word there is “alone.” I can understand not wanting to die alone and not being found for a long time, but (assuming I remain as physically sound as Lottie) I would definitely prefer to be in my own home with my wife than in a retirement home.
I recently had a neighbor pass. He was 102 and was still living alone in his home. His mind was sharp as a tack, but his body was finally failing. That was his wish to stay in his home - one he had built and lived in for the last 55 years. I, personally, would not mind a retirement living situation where I had my own living unit, but would hate a one room or a share room in a convalescent home. My family has all moved away from me now - by about 1200 miles. My intent is to move a motor home or a small house onto my grandsons acreage in the next 2 to 5 years, so that I am close to family, but not living with them. Then I will be close to family, yet still living alone, and able to be cared for when the time comes.
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I live in a retirement community. I would have preferred to stay in my home, but my wife’s disability and medical issues really dictated that we should move into a retirement community before those issues forced her in a nursing home. I wouldn’t recommend congregate living during a pandemic (Covid), but we lived through that. Lottie’s thoughts about making that move were realistic.
I think it is a real fear with the elderly that in their final years they will be taken away from everything they know and love to essentially start over again. But, on the other hand, I saw my mother isolated in her home because she was suffering from some mobility issues that made it easy just to stay put. Isolation is not good for your mind if you are aging. We waited too long to encourage her to look at assisted living. She would have benefited by choosing her own place and being able to participate in all the wonderful activities and human interaction offered by these facilities. As it was, she basically just transferred from her bed at home to a bed in the assisted living as she still wasn’t able to get around to enjoy new people and new activities. You’ve got to have human brain interaction to keep your brain active and alert.
I’m aging in my own home and have no intetntion of moving until it becomes absolutely necessary.
My mother felt the same way and remained in the home she & my father built for ten years after his death. In her case, I know it contributed to her dementia because she was not a social person and she spent far too much time alone. She also had macular degenration so she was unable to read, didn’t listen to audio books, and wasn’t much interested in watching tv. When it became apparent that it was no longer possible for her to maintain the home, we hired a housekeeper and she was furious. But we did not back down and she came to enjoy the company. Eventually, that wasn’t enough and it was patently unsafe for her to continue living alone in the house. We had to relocate her to an assisted living facility and she went kicking and screaming. It was very difficult but we had no choice.
I won’t do that to my kids. I will go when I no longer feel safe being alone in my home.
I have friends and family who have had both positive and negative experiences in both retirement communities and remaining in their own homes. I think so much of both experiences depend upon the physical limitations and temperament of the individual. How much privacy and independence does one enjoy? Am I socially active? Is there family nearby? I don’t think there is a “one size fits all response.”