Jane struggles with giving up control as her children grow up. If you have children, what has been the most difficult parenting stage you’ve encountered?
I have to say I have loved them all, although now that they are grown and have lives of their own, I do miss every day connection.
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Taylor Jenkins Reid had a really great section in Atmosphere about this. She missed the little girl her niece used to be, but treasured the child’s current age and looked forward to the woman she’d become.
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My two boys are two years apart and I must say it was hard for me when they both left home to attend college. I live in Wenatchee and both were off to Seattle where I was born and raised. So really only a few hours away and my parents were there so I could visit often. But being single it was an adjustment when my younger son left.
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For me, the most difficult time was in their young adulthood, beginning with going away to college, and then being out on their own. My role as a parent totally changed and I struggled with how I fit into their lives, and no longer felt needed.
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I felt the teenage years were the most difficult with my three daughters. I wanted them to learn to be independent but I also wanted them to make good choices and be safe. There were times they felt I was being too strict which caused some rebellion. Fortunately the teen rebellion didn’t last long.
I think the young adulthood stage was the most difficult. You want them to live a great life with adventure. But while I had not traveled much, I had daughters who loved traveling to other countries and enjoying the adventure of hostels and being a solo traveler. I worried a lot but did envy and admire their spirit of adventure!
It was difficult for me to let go when my son was a young adult. I kept giving advice that he didn’t want or need. I finally convinced myself that he was an adult and it was up to him to make his own decisions
I think this is a very relatable emotional reaction. I have 2 adult kids at home and 2 far away and I have struggles with my role and home because of the years of mothering. I have to remind myself to keep good boundaries and adult expectations w the ones at home.
I had two boys. I agree that the teenage years were the hardest for me as we navigated our way through how much freedom I gave them.
The teenage/young adult years were difficult, but I always reminded myself that their work was to step away from me and live their lives the way they chose. It took time, but our relationships are strong now.
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I have always thought the phrase “bigger kids, bigger problems”. When my daughter was small it was the unpredictability and constant needs that were tough but then when she became a teenager, yikes tougher situations. My daughter is now at college, and the biggest transition has been letting her grow and become herself by being available but not giving unsolicited advice. This summer she is doing an internship, so it will be the first full time job. Of course, I do miss her, but I am so proud of the person that she has become. I really like the quote from Atmosphere Kim listed, it is a missing, treasuring and looking forward. It is complex!!!
There are issues at every state of parenting. I think for myself it was stepping back when they became adults. I have to not say things I want to say in regard to advice and respect their choices, even when I don’t agree with what they’re doing.
My kids are actually the same age as Sissy and Josh. With my daughter, my hardest was always giving her the freedom to go out on her own, even if it’s just to the store a block away, but especially at night. My son is pretty big for his age (15, 6’3”, 250lbs) so with him I do worry less because I know anyone who decides to mess with him is just plain dumb and would probably not fare well, but I still know that bad things could happen to him too (he can get ganged up on, overpowered by someone bigger and stronger, or just a plain accident can happen), so I still worry about him but definitely less than my daughter. But my favorite part is when I leave the house with both of them and they each grab my hand and we walk down the street holding hands. I feel like my heart is literally walking next to me on each side 
First, I never tried to exercise the control Jane did. Second, I had only boys and I don’t think they are as idealistic as girls. Teenage was our most difficult parenting stage, and it involved under-age drinking and traffic tickets, not changing the world. We survived, they’re all good citizens and great fathers now, and I enjoy their families and keep my mouth shut.