Ivan attends AA meetings and follows its 12-step program, yet he leaves the one thing that he truly regrets – his behavior toward Eddie – out of the process. He thinks, “What could happen to a person who cheated on any of the steps?..[T]his person’s sobriety was fraudulent.” Do you feel he cheated on the 12-step program, and do you agree with his assessment?
The way Ivan dealt with his guilt about Eddie demonstrates what a coward he was. He was taken to an AA meeting. He didn’t seek out help. He continued going to meetings and working the program but only to a limited degree and only by deceiving his sponsor, the other participants, and himself. He put on a show, entertaining the other attendees with cute, funny stories. He enjoyed the attention.
But a “searching, moral inventory” is not for the benefit of others – it is meant to help the addict reach deep into his/her psyche/soul and really probe the reasons why he/she became an addict in order to manage the addiction successfully. Greg was unwilling to do the work required to fully and successfully complete that inventory, make amends, and move on. The process of asking for forgiveness is, again, for the addict’s benefit. Forgiveness asked for and received is freedom from carrying the burden of guilt, remorse, and self-recrimination. Greg recognized he was a fraud so at least he was self-aware, even if he was unwilling to complete that step. He justified it by saying that he was somehow giving Eddie the “honor” of remaining a secret. Ivan was quite pathetic and tragic in this regard.
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I think everyone achieves sobriety in their own unique way. There’s nothing fraudulent about Ivan’s recovery; he wasn’t able to forgive himself nor was he able to share what he had done. At least not at that point in his life/the story. He is a flawed character as we all are; he got scared and ran. Very human depiction especially for a young addict.
It is up to Ivan in how he accepts and feels about his actions as it is for any addict. Typically part of that process is to make amends to those that have been negatively affected by the addict’s actions but Ivan does not make amends to Eddie which may make him feel fraudulent.
I am not a great advocate of the 12 step program. I believe each person has to come to their cross roads in their own way. Makes no difference whether Ivan admits to or brings up Eddie - Ivan himself knows what happened. Ivan is the one who has to come to terms with those actions - Ivan and only Ivan.
I suppose if Ivan is sober his sobriety isn’t fraudulent. That is a different issue as to whether he has honestly completed all the steps of the program. In a compassionate take, I could say that he feels that his abandonment of Eddie was so awful that he does not deserve forgiveness through confession. The fact that he never finds out what happened to Eddy and Eddy never tries to contact him, though, means he never has the opportunity to end his self-imposed punishment.
12- step program aside, we can see that Eddie has not forgiven himself for that night nor has he come to terms with it. He has to figure out how make this right within himself; otherwise…yes; he is fraudulent.
Clearly Ivan remains so devastated by his abandonment of Eddie that he is unable to share it with the group. However I don’t think that negates the progress he makes in the AA meetings no matter how he got there and what he doesn’t share.
I did think it was surprising that Ivan did not make amends at his AA meetings. He could have continued to keep it secret to others but revealed it in his 12 step journey. I think because he did not, he was never able to fully forgive himself.
I wouldnt say that his sobriety was fraudulent because he didn’t reveal what he had done to Ivan in his meetings, but later on in the story, when he allows himself to drink again, his sobriety is questionable. Ivan felt so much guilt, and really, rightfully so, of what he had done to Eddie…he never could get over it. I wish they could have met up again later in life so that maybe they both could have talked through that and found some resolution. I am very guilty of beating myself up over mistakes that I have made, so I could appreciate the guilt that Ivan felt.