In discussing courtship and marriage, Ephraim tells Martha, “Any man worth his salt knows it’s a woman who does the choosing.” Do you think this is borne out in most marriages? Has this changed at all over time, in your opinion?

Book Clubs The Frozen River by Ariel Lawhon Discussion
1

In discussing courtship and marriage, Ephraim tells Martha, “Any man worth his salt knows it’s a woman who does the choosing.” Do you think this is borne out in most marriages? Has this changed at all over time, in your opinion?

2

I"m not sure I totally agree with this. For so many centuries, the man or his family selected the bride based on status or finances. I do think a woman can entice a man to notice her, court her, and then marry her. But a man can do the same thing with a woman!

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3

There are/were cultural and social differences regarding marriage alliances. Bloodlines, wealth and power can define the circle from whom mates are chosen. And within that sphere, women can influence the outcome.

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4

I think this is true in love matches.

5

I think its true now, not so much prior to 1900. Many marriages were arranged and women did not have options.

6

In society prior to about mid-1800’s marriages were often arranged and in some cultures today they still are. With regards to who makes the decisions and in-charge was most often the husband but did at listen to the wife regarding some matters plus the wife was in=charge of the kitchen.

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7

Women do not seem to do the choosing, so much as deciding whether or not to accept or not accept an offer of courtship and marriage. Certainly arranged marriages do not exist as often as they once did, depending on the society. I like to think that couples choose each other, although I’m not sure that’s accurate.

8

I believe that Ephraim, who loves his wife dearly, sincerely felt that way because he wanted her to choose him, even after they were married. However, I can’t help but agree with many of the comments above regarding cultural & class expectations in regards to who is “acceptable” & ultimately who chooses. I am aware that back in that era (and probably in some cultures still today) many women were considered “successful” once they had acquired a husband. I do have a hard time, though, when a couple choose each other after having known each other very briefly (such as the youngest Ballard girl, Dolly, and Barnabas, the officer of the court.). Does that bother anyone else or are my modern biases getting in the way here?

9

In my opinion, women tend to be a stronger judge of character than men.
Even though marriages and partnerships have changed over the generations, I feel women juggle much more and have the abilities to out perform men in many ways, especially child rearing, and running a household while working a full-time job.