Zikora thinks that “In an unfinished dying, you feel you must mourn but you can’t even begin, because you haven’t reached an end that you understand.” She places the end of her relationship with Kwame in this category and is unable to move on. Do you relate to this statement? What advice would you give someone in her situation?
It takes a while to get over an ending, whether is caused by death or someone ending their relationship with you but I believe you do find life, if you will, after the relationship ends, sometimes a better one, but you have to be open to this. In the book when this is said, Zorika is in the beginning stages of her grief. I think she takes on raising her son, she will get outside herself and realize she has been given a greet gift of love in him and will move on.
This seems to me to be the definition of “ghosting.” There is a very human reaction to wanting resolution or understanding of the end of a relationship, but it by one party’s choice or death.
I think Zikora wants to dwell in the “unfinished” feeling because she hasn’t accepted that Kwame made a choice—she hasn’t accepted that he felt betrayed that she stopped the contraceptive without telling him. She isn’t facing her own role here. She was dishonest and has not shown remorse.
I also think there’s self-indulgence in her equating it with dying—having lost partners to death.
My advice would be to convey through his family that she knows she was wrong. Reflect on what made her feel entitled to manipulate her partner. Then let it go, to focus on her son and on her work. Look for new ways to move forward with the strengths and advantages she has.
I can relate to this, having expectations, and dreams and just have it end, it takes a long time to get over. You just have to go on and be grateful for everything you do have and before you know it you’ve moved on!