Geoffrey mourns the loss of his identity, feeling “irrelevant.” “Old ladies, at least they were still in charge of the grandchildren’s birthday cards,” he thinks. Do you believe it’s true that women have more of a place in society as they age than men do? Why or why not?
I don’t agree with that statement but I do believe women are more likely to get more involved with volunteer opportunities in their community then men.
Unfortunately ,some men feel like their work before retirement defined who they were.
Maybe the transition from working to retiring is smoother for women. The newly found free time was wonderful for me; book club, exercise classes, outings with friends. My husband still refers to his former work place as “ours”. He identifies with it even after seven years of retirement. Perhaps he does feel “irrelevant.”
I’m not sure “irrelevant” is the right word, but I do think men have a harder go of it once they leave the workforce. Even working women tend to be responsible for the wellbeing of the family, and that is one role they keep their entire lives. So perhaps the transition isn’t as major for them as it is for men.
I’ve said elsewhere that I think that this type of loss of identity often happens for women when they become empty nesters - so maybe many women do go through the same thing, just earlier in their lives.
(But I’ve got cats not kids, so what do I know…)
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Speaking from a woman’s point of view, older people in general are irrelevant in society. That’s a sad commentary. I notice when I meet someone older and ask, “What are you doing?”, too many fall back on their past work accomplishments to share. However, women, in general, are more social throughout their lives and carry on with outside activities and friendships in retirement.
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Women never really give up the role they have had in addition to whatever work role from which they might have retired: family glue. Even when our children are grown, we tend to be the one who keeps the family connected, just as we have always done. Maybe we also never let our work (however “important” and prestigious it might be) define us completely because we always have this other role from which we never retire.
I also don’t believe that women have more of a place in society. Men are just as relevant, but I believe that their role is more likely to experience a drastic change.
I apologize for the accidental book link.
Yes, I believe they have more of a place in society, they usually are the glue that keeps a family together and are able multi task. I know it was extremely hard on my father who was forced into retirement. He had always worked from early teens to 65 and he needed that balance and found it hard to move forward into retirement.
Very well said, Kay. My thoughts exactly!
I think this is the stereotype, but think about the fact that men are in much demand in retirement communities because they tend to die younger and women interested in romantic relationships with men after being widowed or divorced don’t have many prospects! Especially given that older men tend to see themselves as appealing to much younger women.
Well said. A woman’s job is never done.
Good point Deborah. Roles are changing, amd so much depends on a person’s self definition. If a man’s identity is based mostly on his profession it will be hard to adjust. Also, women as grandmothers is such a cliche. What about women without children? Or are estranged from their children? I believe that people can feel relevant as long as they have a purpose, whatever it is, and it’s up to the individual to find that purpose. I, for example, have always been an introvert and a reader. Not married, have cats. Reading and contributing to readers works for me, providing a bird habitat, and being responsible for (indoor) cats.
I guess it comes down to how one defines themself. My husband was always called the lawyer Now people dont refer to him that way, There was a time where he di feel he had lost his identity. I think he is embracing a new roll now..
Good for you, Donna! No reason for women to define themselves in relationship to men and no reason to assume elderly women are grandmothers—lots of stereotypes in this book and questionable assumptions about what makes for a fulfilling life!
I don’t think that women have more of a place in society, but I think it evolves that way. Women are typically the caretakers and volunteers which makes them more relied on.
I think that probably depends more on the individual than their sex.
I don’t believe that to be true at all, I just think men tend to tie their identities to their career so at times it may be more difficult for them to “live a retired life”. Women, however always have a million things going on both in life in general and continue to do so after “retirement”…. but really women never retire fully.
Great question! This one is also timely for me, as my wife is retired and I am retiring this year. She has flawlessly transitioned into retirement with her hobbies and volunteer work, and she never really saw her identity as defined her job in the first place. I am curious to see how that is for me. In terms of being involved in the lives of grandchildren and family (whether for birthday cards or whatever), I think that is something that would be entirely my fault if I sat back and watched that happen. People are as involved as they choose to be.
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