Do you think it would be more or less difficult to share these stories of loved ones lost with strangers? Is there a safety in relative anonymity?
When I have a loss I do share with my friends. They are the people who know me and are sad for me. I moved away from my hometown in 1976. Most of my friends only knew my loved ones by what I have told them. Actually some did meet my parents and sister on a few occasions. My friends care about me and are nice enough to listen. I see no reason to share with strangers!
That’s an interesting question, Kim. I spent more time discussing my grief when my mother died with my friends online than I did with family. I had the distinct impression that family did not want to hear about my grief from me. In part because they were experiencing their own grief over the loss. And I think in part because they would find holding my grief with me to be overwhelming. So I can definitely see some benefits of sharing grief stories with strangers who are open to caring.
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Sometimes I do think it is easier to share with strangers. With strangers it will be your version. When you share with family and friends, it becomes a blended version because they would already know some of the dynamics. Maybe the guideline’s depends on who you lost…a close loved one, a distant family member or a close friend.
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I agree with Arlene that sometimes it’s easier to share with strangers. When my father passed I found my sisters and brother had their own version. I feel like I’m a very open person and I really don’t mind talking with strangers. (Weird, right:)
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I don’t think it would be too difficult unless one was in some way responsible for their demise.
I think there’s a lot of safety in anonymity. If you have a lot of history with some it can be difficult to hear attitudes and feelings that are different from what you “know” about a person
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Even if one does feel that they’re to blame i would think it would feel good to get those feelings out. When my mother died a few years ago I felt responsible, as she hadn’t been feeling well and was resting a lot. In trying to be courteous to let rest something happened and she was gone within 48 hours. I liked having people to talk to about it, because it was hard to go through.
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I find it much easier to share my thoughts and feelings with friends, rather than strangers. I haven’t ever been in a group therapy session or even exposed to a similar situation.
I am still finding it difficult to talk about losing my Mom very recently as I get too emotional. When I do, whether it be with family, friends, or even strangers, it helps to get the comforting words of support. If I had been responsible for someone passing, I would probably feel too guilty to share.
I’ve always found it much easier to tell strangers the secrets and past sorrows in my life. I think that’s because they don’t know me nor I them, so whatever they may think about my actions is of little consequence to me. Sometimes it helps to just unload and try to make sense of things without all the emotional entanglements of a close friendship. I do care what my friends think about my actions; and they want to offer advice. I like to work things out for myself at first without being swayed by a loved one’s opinion.
I would share my experiences with this group only if I feel they are open and receptive to listening and sharing as well.
The vibe of the group feels reminiscent of AA at times. I suppose all characters were in fact addicted to one thing or another, though that addiction may or may not have played a role in the deaths of their loved ones or themselves. All that said, sharing with strangers does seem to be easier (to me at least) because they’re less likely to judge someone they don’t know. But if you share something dark with friends/family, you’ll be met with some sort of prejudice because they’ll think they already know you/the situation to a degree.
In some times it would be easier to share with strangers. they are only hearing your side to the situation. They also, no knowing you haven’t prejudged you or your grief.
I think it’s easier to share difficult topics with strangers. You don’t really care if they will form a negative opinion of you.
I think often it is easier to share with strangers. They come without any prejudices. Often family and friends are too deeply involved with the same grief to be able to offer and share the problem.
Diane’s comment resonated with me. When my father died, my siblings who were many years older, remembered a much different relationship with our father. I did not feel comfortable talking to them about my grief response and preferred to talk about it with strangers or at least not members of the family.
This is a tough question. I suppose it’s easier to share grief with people who know you and at least some of your history. These are the ones who are most likely to understand how you’re processing your grief.
I think sometimes it’s easier to share your grief stories with strangers. If the strangers have had similar situations, sometimes they can relate better and can be more empathetic.
I lost my husband recently. I found it much more recently to share with people who knew Bill and understood what I was going through vs. generic sympathy from someone who didn’t know what a lovely man he was. However I was more guarded against sharing too. much with my kids, they have their own grieving to do. Perhaps because I am in such a supportive faith based community it makes it easier.