Do you think it would be more or less difficult to share these stories of loved ones lost with strangers? Is there a safety in relative anonymity?
When I have a loss I do share with my friends. They are the people who know me and are sad for me. I moved away from my hometown in 1976. Most of my friends only knew my loved ones by what I have told them. Actually some did meet my parents and sister on a few occasions. My friends care about me and are nice enough to listen. I see no reason to share with strangers!
That’s an interesting question, Kim. I spent more time discussing my grief when my mother died with my friends online than I did with family. I had the distinct impression that family did not want to hear about my grief from me. In part because they were experiencing their own grief over the loss. And I think in part because they would find holding my grief with me to be overwhelming. So I can definitely see some benefits of sharing grief stories with strangers who are open to caring.
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Sometimes I do think it is easier to share with strangers. With strangers it will be your version. When you share with family and friends, it becomes a blended version because they would already know some of the dynamics. Maybe the guideline’s depends on who you lost…a close loved one, a distant family member or a close friend.
I agree with Arlene that sometimes it’s easier to share with strangers. When my father passed I found my sisters and brother had their own version. I feel like I’m a very open person and I really don’t mind talking with strangers. (Weird, right:)
I don’t think it would be too difficult unless one was in some way responsible for their demise.
I think there’s a lot of safety in anonymity. If you have a lot of history with some it can be difficult to hear attitudes and feelings that are different from what you “know” about a person
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Even if one does feel that they’re to blame i would think it would feel good to get those feelings out. When my mother died a few years ago I felt responsible, as she hadn’t been feeling well and was resting a lot. In trying to be courteous to let rest something happened and she was gone within 48 hours. I liked having people to talk to about it, because it was hard to go through.
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I find it much easier to share my thoughts and feelings with friends, rather than strangers. I haven’t ever been in a group therapy session or even exposed to a similar situation.