Did Tom do enough to earn Elena’s forgiveness? Should she have divorced him? What would you have done in her place?
I liked Tom in a way - he really loved Elena which I thought was precious - but he was such a typical dumb guy in a way thinking he missed something he obviously didn’t miss when he met Elena in his youth. When he realized he made a mistake and regretted it, I think he tried sincerely to rectify it. I didn’t blame Elena for how she felt and what she did - she planned to reset when it was her time. I’d be hurt too. I had wished she’d talk sooner with Tom. Only if Elena decided to not reset do I think she should have divorced Tom because at the reset Tom and Elena would grt to relive their love story.
I think he realized he had been an idiot and Elena could see that.
It was horrible that Tom left her especially for the reason, him wanting to sleep around, wanting to have a good time, late nights, drinking, women! A lot of us married too young. I must say if it was me I would have divorced him. Actually in our 30’s my husband left after at least two affairs that I knew of and I did divorce him. Elena was still struggling knowing she still loved Tom, at first thinking he would come back. When he finally did want to come back I am glad she said no and found her own thing things to do, her art. I did like their ending.
Yes, I believe they had a wonderful marriage and they both truly loved their life together. She admitted he had been a thoughtful, helpful husband and caring husband during her grief. He also worked hard to give his family a secure life. Yes, I think she knew he missed his old life. Also his actions of not being a party man and then when he successfully conquered his hike on the Appalachian trail impressed her.
Resetting changed all the social rules. Unless a married couple were born on the same day, one would reach 25 before the other. It seems that prior to would have been the time to have those “courageous” conversations and preplan experiences. Being open and honest would determine the decision to stay, linger or leave.
The one thing I wish Elena had said was… “OK, so in 18 months when I reset, do I get a vacation from you to sow my wild oats?” I wonder what Tom would have thought of that!
“Hmmm.” Tome might have pondered her response for one quick moment, but then might negotiate how often the wild oats could be sown by each of them. 
Ultimately, only the two people in a relationship can decide whether to remain together. I understand the importance of weighing many years of loving family life against Tom’s apparently one-time selfish and immature decision. However, that decision affected 18 months of their lives. In the end, it also benefited Elena by allowing her to reconnect with her love of art, and she may have viewed the experience as an opportunity for both of them to grow individually and reunite with a stronger relationship. Even so, I would probably have leaned toward divorcing him.
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Bravo Kim ! I also wanted her to have a little more of a spite fire reaction! I realize she loved him, but she was a little too easy on the man.
Elena was smart to play it the way she did. Tom made a bad mistake, but he figured it out. They were in a very loving relationship, and in the end she benefited by his mistake by taking her own break from the marriage. She’d have made a mistake if she’d divorced him, although I’m sure she and kids thought about doing just that.
I think Tom did enough to earn Elena’s forgiveness. I suspect the love and respect that had for each other over many years allowed him some built up capital which he definitely cashed in when he floundered at his Reset. I think it was healthy for Elena to set boundaries with him and have her own pre and post-Reset journey. After she was able to explore her artistic longings, she also probably better understood Tom’s actions. I don’t think she should have divorced him. They both afforded the other person time to figure out what their relationship should be in the future. Luckily, they chose each other with enthusiasm. It seemed a reasonable conclusion to me.
I’m not sure anyone ever can say what to do in a marriage. At first, I thought she should just divorce him, but then I thought about it. I met my husband at 17 and we are now 71. We have lived our entire lives together, and so it’s not easy to just say goodbye. I love that Elana decided to take it slow and develop herself outside of the marriage, so that when she did go back it was on her own terms.
I don’t think she should have divorced him, but I also didn’t think that Tom did enough to earn her forgiveness. He didn’t cheat, but only because his biology caused him issues. His whole belief that relieving his 25-year-old self was going to be a blast was understandable, but leaving his wife to do so was an awful and childish move.
To me it was obvous that Tom really loved Elena. That said, his actions were deplorable and he certainly dug a deep hole for himself. I think the great thing is that Elena did not immediately forgive him when he was ready to return. Rather she continued to weigh her own needs and her own feelings before acceptance. In fact, it was interesting to me that both of them needed to go through some drastic changes “to find themselves again”. Once Elena felt happy in her own skin and could see a path forward for herself individually, she then realized that she still loved Tom too. I thought this part of the novel was some of the best written parts. It felt real, and I could put myself in their shoes. Forgiveness differs from person to person. We all have emotional baggage and our own history that affects how we see forgiveness and how well we can offer it to others, especially the most important people in our lives. I don’t think we can answer “should she have divorced him”? I’ll just reiterate that this aspect of the story was well written in my opinion.
I cannot see taking him back. If I wasn’t good enough the first time, I wont be the second time either. His excuse of it looking like he was with his mother - is just so lame! The whole world was resetting - there would have been thousands of odd looking couples. He was selfish, arrogant and demented to think his reasons were honest and viable. He was just an ass and wanted a fling - so go - but there is no coming back - ever!
I think it is hard for me to say what I would have done in Elena’s situation. She had her art but some people don’t have that kind of pursuit. I am a writer and always had to squeeze my writing into a small compartment of my life for many years. So I empathized with her and would probably have done something similar for my art. But once you open that door, you don’t really know what will happen. Tom was supportive and felt guilty for his choices so he wanted to make amends. But there may be some husbands who would just want to resume their old life. And you never know where that new path may lead.