Chia, Omelogor and Zikora are pressured to marry and have children, particularly by their Nigerian relatives and culture. How is each influenced, and how does each pursue this goal? Do you feel Western cultures are equally guilty of this?
I think the pressures to marry are strong in all cultures because historically that has been the expectation for women: marry and a man will take care of you. In American society the pressure may not be as overt as in the Nigerian culture, but most people upon meeting you want to know your marital status and what you do. And given the politics right now I’m worried the expectation for young women may be to marry and not to pursue “dreams” for personal self fulfillment. I believe women must be true to themselves and not to what others expect them to be.
I believe it’s true for all societies. It is an expectation that women get married and have children. Females are always asked the question - are you married or what are you waiting for? Statements like, don’t wait too late i you want to have children.
My feeling, it is not a crime when a woman is not married and have no children.
I agree that it is still part of our culture here. When I was younger, there always felt like there was pressure to have children or have to explain why I did not. I found it interesting that even Omelogor fell into the trap set by her aunt who wanted her to adopt, and considered it.
I think Western Culture was guilty of this 25-30 years ago but as I look at my child and the children of my friends I see that they are less worried about marriage. Most of the children I refer to have a more negative view of marriage and procreation primarily due to living through a pandemic and perhaps the divorce rate of their parents
I think in the past this was truer. Now women have many more options to make decisions about their personal lives.
In addition to reading literary fiction, I also watch some reality TV, which people find a strange dichotomy. On 90 Day Fiancé, there does seem to be a lot of pressure in some African cultures to marry and have children. Sometimes, men take a second wife to have children, if he and his first wife do not have children. I work with a woman from Ghana and asked her if what I saw on TV was true. She said it is true. She herself was married, but could not have children. Consequently, her husband, with the aid of his mother, took a second wife and had a child with her, all while keeping it a secret from my colleague. She divorced him, and now lives in the US with her American husband. I love learning about other cultures, which is one reason I enjoyed Dream Count so much.
In my lifetime (I am a grandmother) this pressure feels like it has changed, I did not feel it from my family, I didn’t ever express expectations to my children, and the only “peer pressure” I ever experienced was from two co-workers in my 20s, feminists who thought I was betraying the cause by marrying my soulmate before having our children.
I have never heard any of my friends talk about feeling pressure of this kind either. It may have been different though for women of different ethnic backgrounds or in certain religious groups. But I think the feminist movement of the late 60s—present day has changed the situation for many women. Here and in many Western cultures (and some Eastern ones too).
For the three Nigerian women in this novel, of roughly my children’s generation, despite their careers and family money, the weight of tribal expectations felt as heavy or heavier than those of the mainstream/liberal American culture they embraced.
The pressure led Zikora to “forget” birth control hoping pregnancy will cement her relationship and this betrayal drives her partner away. The pressure led Chia to accept the terms of very bad relationships, for far too long. Omelogor seemed more accepting of her situation; despite her appearance of being superior and sarcastic at times, she seemed to look for others to nurture—other women trying to rise from poverty; Atasi; Kadi.
Kadi of course had this issue decided for her in Guinea. She had a child before she came here. She was forced to work to survive and she took strength and pride from doing so.
I agree with J … perhaps because I also am a grandmother and have seen the changes in our country over the years. While women of my generation generally married in their 20’s and there was an expectation for them to have children within a few years, this has changed. I have two nieces in their late 30’s who are not married (although one is living with her boyfriend) as well as two nephews who are 30 and not married. This has become very common among people I know. Many women (and men) who choose to marry decide not to have children. The Nigerian culture clearly has different expectations and feel free to try to impose them.