Chia also thinks, “Where have all the years gone, and have I made the most of life? But what is the final measure for making the most of life, and how would I know if I have?” How would you answer her?
This is an elemental question we all must face. I think if we look to what gives us meaning, happiness and joy we may find the answer. I don’t think it’s measured in money, position or what others think of us.
2 Likes
Yikes, I still struggle with that myself. I am not sure that you can look back and give yourself the credit due for making difficult decisions at the time you made them. It is hard to remember all the circumstances and exactly how you felt when you made them. Maybe you just go day by day and trust yourself to make the best choices that you can.
1 Like
As we age, we all wonder if we have made the most of our time and if we should have made other decisions. I think that there are few people who would not make different choices about some things in their lives if they could go back and do so. If you have loved and been loved, then you have experienced the greatest joy in life. I also believe that you must be able to know that you did the best you could at the time and lived with integrity, kindness and grace.
1 Like
I guess I think it’s not really possible to “make the most out of life.” There will always be times when we could have made better decisions or used our time better. All you can do I move forward - and give yourself permission to be human. Some introspection is helpful, in that that’s the way you learn, but dwelling on things you can’t change is a losing proposition.
1 Like
I think some charity is called for when assessing how we’ve lived. After all, we are burdened by the circumstances of our upbringings, as well as our physical and psychological limitations, so accomplishments should be graded a bit on a curve. I’m a bit harsher when I consider harms I might have done to others or if I failed to act to help or prevent harm if I were able. All of this, to me, factors into whether I’ve made the most of life. And how are we to judge ourselves fairly, anyway, when we are loathe to admit we might have fallen short?
So much wisdom here!
Chia’s question is human, but it seems she is not yet ready to accept that it has no answer. Neither foresight nor hindsight are 20-20, really; we can never know all the possible outcomes when we make choices, and often we can’t even recognize all possible options at a particular moment… We can only try to do our best, according to what we believe to be right—regardless of others’ opinions. Try—sometimes our choices are coerced, as Kadi’s marriage was, or later, her case against her attacker. But Chia’s choices, despite family pressures, were not coerced. She did not listen to and trust herself.
One hopes that someone like Chia would forgive herself, reflect on what matters most to her at the present moment, and look for new options.
1 Like
Elizabeth, I agree with you wholeheartedly!
1 Like
I’m not sure this quite answers the question you have posed, but I did really appreciate the question Omelogor asked Chia towards the end of the novel about her (very troubling) relationship with Darnell, “Chia, you’re not asking yourself why YOU were with him.” I was very uncomfortable with all the demeaning treatment from Darnell, and didn’t really understand why Chia accepted it from Darnell. I longed for some more self-reflection from Chia about it, and don’t feel like she really addressed Omelogor’s question. As Omelogor said, "If you can take some responsibility, if you can say, 'Okay he was cruel, but I allowed him to be cruel, then you can also say, “Next time I will not allow a man to be cruel.” Finding a way to stand up for yourself seems one good way to feel you have made the most of your life.
1 Like
Everything she has done and relationship she has had , has made her who she is today. I don’t think (we)she can pick and choose what we keep or eliminate in our past. It all culminates with the who we are of today. It’s like a thought experiment because time moves only one way. Of course we can forgive and help heal our ourselves for our past mistakes and that is helpful in the moving forward. I loved this book. What drove her to waste her time with Darnell, and not listen to her inner wisdom with these men? That is a good question for Chia