By the time he reaches college, Nick has met and developed a relationship with his father—and goes no-contact with his mother—but by the end of his chapter, it’s clear he breaks off this relationship and leaves the Maier family. Why do you think this shift occurred, and what were the factors that ultimately made Nick go no-contact with his father?
Nick has found his father and has a wonderful relationship with him. Nick and his friend Timothy have gone to the East Coast to check out the colleges they wish to attend. Nick will meet his father in New York. His father is a no show. This upsets Nick and he now decides he wants nothing to do with his father. He even throws away the credit card his father gave him. I think this is a bit extreme on Nick’s part. Nick also does not respond to his father’s many calls and e-mails.
Nick was angry, disappointed and likely just tired of it all. He was determined to live life without his father as he had done for many years. At one point Nick also disengages with his mom. Perhaps this is the time when he strikes out on his own and decides he doesn’t need either of them. He’s tired of the lies and secrecy.
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So initially Nick grows up without his father, then discovers his mother lied and his father does want to be in his life. When Matthew doesn’t show up at an arranged meeting Nick breaks off all ties with his father. I think this is common response for kids trying to reconnect with missing parents, I know in my own experience during that process it would not have taken much for me to decide it just wasn’t worth the emotional turmoil because trust is hard to rebuild when it’s been seriously damaged. I also think he had serious doubts about his father’s non-commitment to the Maier family’s dubious dealings. Money and success seemed to be more important to Matthew as we see with his relationship with his other son and this was not lost on Nick.
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Nick’s relationship with his father was so fragile, and so it took just one setback (Matthew being a no-show) for the tie to sever.
I am sure it was hard for Nick to come to terms with the way he was raised knowing that his father was as wealthy as he was. He wanted a father so much that I didn’t think the break in contact was realistic, especially after Matthew tried to get in touch.
Having grown up thinking his father didn’t want him, the relationship had steep hurdles to climb. Plus Nick has his own insecurities from not looking like his mother; was glad when he took the DNA test! Anyway, when Matthew doesn’t show up as planned, Nick takes that he mean he isn’t important or wanted. I found this frustrating because Nick essentially decides to cut ties with Matthew. I thought this was a bit of an overreaction, but then again Nick was young and emotionally damaged.
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I agree Betsy, the abrupt break with his father was a stretch and a bit unrealistic.
I agree with that. I kept thinking…”what did I miss?”
I remember being young & judgemental myself. He hadn’t met Matthew all that long ago, and I’m not sure that he trusted him. I mean, if your mom tells you the guy didn’t want to be a part of your life, and this total stranger says he DID and it’s your mom’s who’s lying, who do you believe? I could also be misremembering the book, but I thought the split with his mom took place later. So I think it was believeable. Nick was just a confused, hurt, angry kid.
I think Nick’s real break with his father was after seeing how he responded to Samuel’s last attempt at suicide. Nick could not understand how he would not go with his son to the hospital. I think Nick felt that his father could not sustain a relationship or feel real love toward others.
This whole family was hurting and so disconnected. Too many secrets over too many years. It’s was sad because there was real love between lily and Matthew in the beginning and Nick and grandmother later on.
I was very disappointed to learn that Nick broke off the relationship with his father. Nick did not understand the expectations and obligations under which Mattthew had had to live his entire life. Nick had been raised by his mother to think that people did not have societal obligations, which was the opposite of what Matthew experienced while growing up.
Nick felt disappointed that his father didn’t show up for him. By not meeting Nick at the college, Matthew unknowingly brought all the Nick’s abandonment issues with his father to the forefront. Lily constantly told Nick his father wanted nothing to do with him. Although his relationship with his father was progressing, it took a small misstep for Nick to have old issues with Matthew resurface.