Unrealistic expections at the beginning of a relationship…judgements may be passed based on a time of youthful inexperience. However, saying your parents are dead, when alive, is a bit of basic information that needn’t be lied about. Ex: “I will explain my family of origin at a later date as I don’t feel comfortable at this early stage of our getting to know one another.”
Such a statement should be respected IF one cares!
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I think that he overreacted. Yes, he did set his boundaries, but I believe that Olivia would have explained why she lied to him. She was estranged from her father, so saying that he was deceased was really how she thought of him. I thin that Tom should have given her that opportunity, rather than cutting her off completely.
I actually think Tom was justified in his reaction. He laid out his biggest expectation in the beginning of the relationship because of past relationship issues and Olivia knew that. I just didn’t see why Olivia needed to lie.
Definitely overreacted.
I thought he acted reasonably. He told her up front that he couldn’t abide lying and she did, repeatedly. Then she tried to hide those lies. Once trust is broken, it’s tough to repair and never fully goes away. I don’t think he acted harshly. I think she acted recklessly by not confiding in him earlier.
As everyone else has pretty much said, Tom’s reaction was harsh, but maybe he had an experience in his past that made this a deal breaker for him. I believe everyone deserves some grace when it comes to opening up about our pasts. It takes time and a huge level of trust to get there.
I get that he was upset and felt betrayed, but he moved pretty quickly…almost like he was looking for a reason to get out of the relationship. If I were Olivia, I don’t think I’d want him back.
I think he was harsh and over reacted. I don’t think he’d be a keeper.
There are a lot of people who build a relationship on total and complete trust. Without that it is a waste of time and effort. Knowing who you are with is utmost; Tom was one of those people. He was crushed finding out that he did not know Olivia as well as he thought and she had, by omission, lied to him. He had to process what he knew about her, and his feeling for her, against what he was finding out. Perfectly justified. Once she told the full truth, then it was his decision as whether he could forgive her omissions and try to revive that relationship.
Tom did make his expectations clear but I think he should have given Olivia a chance to explain. He didn’t try to understand her reasons for what she did.
I think his initial reaction was to be expected based on their communications over time. However, I feel he should have given her an opportunity to explain after he had time to ‘cool down’ and think it over.
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I feel Tom overreacted. He was definitely hurt, but we don’ t know what problems he has grown up with. Obviously trust was a major concern in his life. He strongly believed that he didn’t even know this person, and I think Olivia could have made a stronger and sooner effort to reach out to him and trust him with the truth about what she was doing.
Once someone has been devastated by lies, they often would rather be presented by the cold, hard truth, have a chance to process the facts, and make a decision. Lies in a relationship are toxic and dangerous betrayal. When I met my current partner, we had both been nearly destroyed by lies. Sometimes the truth can feel brutal, but better than deception. And, Olivia had been hiding and deceiving herself for so many years. That takes a lot of work and it is difficult to keep lies straight.